Monday, February 27

Time Saving Tips

Say a gal was really dumb on a Sunday morning and instead of being sensible and grownup and going to take a shower at 8 am, she decided to play with blog templates. For a really long time. Then all of a sudden she realizes its 45 minutes til time to leave for church and she isn't dressed and the baby isn't dressed and the three year old is standing in front of her in only her underwear.

Said woman would be interested in time-saving techniques. Am I right? Well, let me tell you what does not work. After getting both little ones dressed (17 minutes elapsed), move on to hairdos for the little ones. Do NOT choose an elaborate braided style for the 3 year old. During the time it takes to complete said hairstyle, 15 more minutes will have elapsed and the teenagers will have to cut short their own breakfast to do the one year old's hair-- wisely in a decidedly LESS complicated style.

At this point, look at watch and realize there are only 12 minutes to shower and dress and get makeup on and be ready to get out the door. Bring baby along to the bathroom, since a sure motivator for a uberfast shower is a baby standing just outside the tub, crying and repeatedly pulling back the shower curtain. This also ensures that the front of baby's dress is wet when exiting to the frigid outdoors only moments from now.

Out of the shower, dress quickly in the outfit still draped neatly over the edge of the tub from last Sunday. (Pitiful, I know.) Decide that something else can be done concurrent with blow-drying hair. Note: please do not choose to apply heavy-moisture face cream bought in the vain hope of staving off late-30's wrinkling. The wind from the blow-dryer will blow the hair onto the face. When hair touches the face it will stick to heavy-moisture face cream, necessitating turning off the blow dryer to unstick hair from face, blotting it with a dry cloth, and hoping said person will not look like an utter greaseball if she ever manages to actually get to church. Try not to say bad words. It is Sunday morning after all.

Look at watch and see that 2 minutes now remains before time to leave. Holler to kids to get coats on. Hair still needs blow-drying. At this point, please do NOT try to apply eyebrow pencil while finishing blow-drying hair. True, eye pencil is not moist. It does, however, require a steady hand, which said person apparently does not possess while wielding a blow dryer in other hand. Turn off blow dryer. Frantically scrub at clown-eyebrow.

Try not to say bad words at kid who comes in saying baby's coat is missing. Remind kid through clenched teeth that baby owns 3 coats, any of which will suffice in this state of emergency.

Hastily comb mostly dry hair. Try not to say bad words at kid who comes in with a 4th, terribly ratty coat for the baby that you forgot she even owned. Holler for a bigger kid to conduct the coat search. Hastily apply rest of makeup, thanking the stars you're not a high-maintainance kind of gal and your makeup can be slapped on in 4 minutes.

Look at watch on way out of bathroom and discover it is 5 minutes past time to leave. Conduct a 2 second search in closet finding the baby's coat. Herd all children out to car. Grab a banana and hop in yourself. Thank heaven for your hubby who, blessedly, is ready to go and has even put your full coffee mug in the car. Sip coffee and try to make nice with everyone you've growled at in the past 20 minutes, hoping your heart rate will subside by the time you get to church and have to smile more convincingly.

Remind self to stay far from computer on Sunday mornings after 8 am.

14 Comments:

At 9:09 AM, Blogger Liz said...

omg, that is so funny. Makes me very happy that our Sunday am service is uber casual, so I only have to dress up for Sunday night!

 
At 9:42 AM, Blogger Kim from Hiraeth said...

that is similar to my Sunday morning yesterday. I was downloading and trying out different feed readers. . .thankfully I am the only one I have to get ready for church now, but I shaved it pretty close. . .

 
At 10:22 AM, Blogger B.E.C.K. said...

I hear ya! The siren song of the blog templates will get you every time. ;^) Oh, and have you ever tried blow-drying your hair after applying lipstick, and having lipstick-smeared hair whipping across your glasses (if you ever wear them), creating the need to clean off your hair and glasses and reapply lipstick yet again? Because maybe you should that for a change of pace. ;^) Oh, and why is it that Mom is the only one who knows where everything is and can find it on the first try...in plain sight?

I hope you guys got to church with no more mishaps and were able to smile convincingly at people. :-)

 
At 11:38 AM, Anonymous Shannon from Rocks In My Dryer said...

Oh, I love that. My Sunday mornings are always like that!! My weakness is staying up late on Saturday night to watch Saturday Night Live. So I'm always dragging out of bed Sunday morning.

 
At 12:18 PM, Anonymous HolyMama! said...

Yep, you kept it 'real,' Mary!
I've done the moisturizer/blow dryer mistake thing myself. But I bet you looked great when you got there, anyway!

 
At 3:37 PM, Blogger RANDI said...

That is so funny! The computer can be such a time stealer--but I like your new template!

 
At 4:43 PM, Blogger Mama D said...

Don't you hate it when we do that to ourselves? I do. It's usually my husband that I drag of the computer on Sunday mornings though. Funny post.

 
At 5:03 PM, Blogger Mama Heffalump said...

Loved it! Thanks for sharing, and thanks for dropping in on me! Most welcome any time... *Smile*

 
At 7:11 PM, Blogger momrn2 said...

Oh my goodness. This was so funny. Only because I can so relate. Somehow I too found myself on the computer yesterday morning much longer than I thought. And I only have 2 kids to get ready and out the door. I can only imagine!!! Thanks for sharing!! Nice to know I'm not alone in the Sunday morning rush!

How is it that every other morning we are ready to head out the door at 8:10 for school, but can never seem to get around by 9:00 for church???

 
At 8:16 PM, Blogger WendyWings said...

Oh dear that used to be me.We no longer actually fellowship anywhere so Sunday mornings are not chaotic any longer.
I was however late taking my daughter to kindergarten today because I was trying to fix something on my blog lol

BTW come along and bring lots of friends it's that time again !!
Audition time again

 
At 9:26 PM, Blogger Tasha said...

Great Tips!LOL We don't go to Sunday Service but we are always trying to get ready to get somewhere! Here from Wendy's!

 
At 10:31 PM, Anonymous Cindy said...

I've had many clown eyebrow days, scrub redo, oops too dark, scrub redo. One day I had too many makeup malfunctions....... the eyebrows, mascara, nothing went right, then I smeared my lipstick really bad when I wiped my face after brushing my teeth.... grumbling to myself, never wear makeup again!

 
At 4:44 AM, Blogger Barbara said...

Trying to Catch Up: Training Camp #2 is Almost Here! It's a Double-header! First event at 6:00 AM EST on March 1.

 
At 5:44 AM, Blogger Internal Expert said...

Hmmm ... just move that "Sunday morning" to, eh, let's say Tuesday morning and we are on the same page. I was up at 5, worked out, showered and thought "gee, I should hceck my email before drying my hair" ... 45 minutes later and I'm reading your blog and will be late for work. Why can't we resist these machines!!?

 

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home